Ho, Ho, Holiday.

I think I'm total rubbish when it comes to holidays. I just can never get them right.

My approach to Holidays is very similar to my approach to Relationships, or romance in general.

I spend a lot of time thinking about semester breaks, more time than the time spent on planning my daily schedule during the semester itself. I just don't get it. I always have these amazing plans for the holidays but they just disappear whenever the time comes to implement them. If you're wondering why I never write them down, well..well. I suppose I should next time. I spend nearly the entire year anticipating that final break, but the minute it starts - I lose interest. And it's all goes downhill from there.

I think the problem would be a lot easier to solve if it was actually related to the feeling of utter boredom, because the solution would be to go out and get a hobby or a pet or to immerse myself in work, which is, conveniently in abundance whenever you don't feel like doing any of it. No, no. The problem's a lot bigger than that. In fact, I daresay it's developed into a sort of chronic disease, not unlike asthma and bronchitis and the rest of those disruptive inflammations. It's Maximus Procrastinata. I'm sure you've heard of that oddly modern and distasteful saying, "Never put off 'till tomorrow what you can do today." It sounds like something Bob Geldoff or Bono from U2 would tell people at concerts. Anyway, I embody everything that comes into direct contradiction with that proverb. I always put off the stuff that I really can do right now to a later time simply because I think it can be done at a later time. It's a strange philosophy, but it functions like an inbuilt mechanism.

Not to mention the nauseous feeling that comes with having too much of something. The idea of a seven-week break is extremely attractive when you're struggling to understand what was the arms race all about the night before your History exams, but a seven-week break in reality is, if I may recall you back to my earlier simile on Relationships and Holidays, like having the Boy You Used to Kinda Like/Flirt With/Share a Platonic Friendship with become The Boy Whose Name Appears under the "In a Relationship With" column on my Facebook Profile Page. The conquest has been made, the holiday won. Seven weeks. Fantastic, I can brush up on that topic I used to enjoy in class a few weeks ago and maybe write some notes on it. Or I could probably finish that book I was so interested in until the exams took over most of my life. Perhaps I might even be able to start a little project or assignment of my own to kill time once I'm done with my History notes. And some community work would be good.

Those are the first few thoughts in my head at the start of any school holiday, sourced from overwhelming enthusiasm and an unstoppable drive - very much like the moment when someone you've liked for quite some time finally confesses that the feeling is mutual. "Yes!", I think. "We like each other! Wonderful. We can talk about nice things and give presents to each other and I don't have to hide it from you anymore and we can talk about the things we like and..and.." And well. I don't know what after that. It always ends up at a dead end. The boy used to be so elusive, just like the holidays, and now that I have it at my disposal, or the unfortunate boy to call my own; I can't stand the predictability of it all. There used to be a goal, a scarcity to compete for, a dream amidst despair, a charming uncertainty to it. Now that it's gone, I start to regret wanting to have it in the first place.

Of course, my current Long Holiday greatly differs from the ones I used to have previously, simply because this is the first time I've been away from home for so long. I'm not a publicly sentimental person, so I don't think I shall elaborate on my tearful return home and the overwhelming gladness I felt at the sight of my parents and my surprisingly tall sister - but a whole day has gone by since I've stepped on JB soil and I haven't done anything that I've said I wanted to do, apart from reading a single handout on "Marginal Utility" and making some good progress with Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis (because a good book is just as entertaining as a PSP. Or more.) Instead, I spent nearly the whole day doing all the things I reminded myself NOT to do, like watching a lot of TV (Singapore Idol, a lot of CSI, one movie that was recommended by my sister, more crime serials), surfing the Net aimlessly, watching Youtube videos which I like to think are artsy, reading a bit of news here and there and perhaps the most shameful sin of all : Wandering from Page to Page on Facebook to marvel at the lively social scene which I had been exiled from a couple of years back.

But I still think tomorrow will be a better day. I am almost sure that this holiday will be the best one ever, because it will be the first purposeful one. I just need to get out of this complacent mode where I keep telling myself that I deserve a lazy, no-brainer week after many weeks of potentially brain-damaging activity at college. I need to throw out all the persuasive hyperboles and desert Facebook for the next few days.

And this is where Relationships and Holidays differ.

With holidays, I just need to get some motivation by threatening my own ideals.

But with Relationships, my ideals usually end up threatening my motivation. And so there isn't really much I can do about it. It's quite sad, because single people usually think they're laughing at everyone else when they're really laughing at themselves, and all I can do is to remain cynical for the time being.

Mm. On a more serious note, there holidays kicked off in a most severe and unforgiving manner. I don't really know what to do about it except to provide some humour at 5 in the morning. And you thought I was going to be an economist somewhere in the near future. So much for problem solving.

Yes. I will improve tomorrow.

Cheers!

10 most bizarre sexist adverts - Comment Central - Times Online - WBLG

10 most bizarre sexist adverts - Comment Central - Times Online - WBLG

I would have kicked whoever did these adverts in the nuts if they weren't so darn funny.

Connected Commercialism.

Poor blog. Abandoned and deserted for something as shallow as Facebook.

*Cough.*

I've renounced all my anti-Facebook sentiments. I now declare myself an addict. Yes, my disappointed brethren. I have gone over to The Dark Side. I am now Mainstream.

Anyway, I'm here to further disappoint you with a report of my latest web addiction : Tumblr!

I'm sure you've all heard about it, and if you haven't; well it's high time you did. I don't want to see it as a trend, because a trend is something that you follow blindly (well, initially) so that you don't get left behind - and I really do think Tumblr is worth all the time and effort that I spend on it. At least I'm learning something from what I read over there (plus I get to reblog it and share it with everyone else without much hassle), I think I'm getting very sick of the Blogspot blogs that I've been reading lately. The JB people have been lying low these past few months; and even they do talk about something, it's nothing that I can bring myself to care about anymore. Except one or two that maintains the strict rule of self-detachment.

anyway, I have two Tumblr blogs if you're interested :

1. www.shar-ology.tumblr.com - which is where I reblog a lot of stuff that I find interesting on Tumblr and occasionally talk about things that I pretend to bother about

2. www.spaghetti-stories.tumblr.com - which is where all my random stories/poetry/half-autobiographies/half-fiction/Facebook Notes go to; best read when you have time to spare and when you're feeling moody

Since you've already been kind enough to support this space, it won't hurt to support another two! =)

(yes I am shamelessly advertising)

But really. I find my Tumblr Blogs sub-zero cool. You would too. And do leave comments.

Thank you! (I've just spent an hour re-reading all my old posts. Mm. I quite like myself as a blogger. I know I say this every year around this time.)

Cheers.

Childhood.

Scratch that last post. I don't think it was very well constructed. I read it over and I didn't think it reflected what I meant very well. I think I'm losing my gift with words. I used to be able to express myself quite fluently; and now I struggle to find the simplest of words to say what I mean. This deterioration of vocabulary is most untimely; and if you've ever been put in a position where you have to write a four page analysis on a literary text about a pseudo-feminist who is overtly-articulate and painfully detailed in her descriptions (the woman has twenty words for "muffin") in one hour;

You'd understand where my panic-stricken expression is coming from.

Anyway, remember this one time when I blogged about helping an old lady pick up her oranges which were scattered all over the stairs of a very busy LRT station when the plastic bag holding them tore? And how everybody else turned a blind eye? Few years back?

Of course you don't remember. No one ever bothers to remember the good stuff.

I found a poem today in my teacher's copy of Songs of Ourselves (which is the anthology we study for AS) which recalled me to that incident and how I felt watching those oranges roll down the stairs between heels and leather and shiny slippers :

Childhood by Frances Cornford

I used to think that grown-up people chose

To have stiff backs and wrinkles round their nose,

And veins like small fat snakes on either hand,

On purpose to be grand.

Till through the banister I watched one day

My great-aunt Etty's friend who was going away,

And how her onyx beads had come unstrung.

I saw her grope to find them as they rolled;

And then I knew that she was helplessly old,

As I was helplessly young.

Beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye for some reason; and I kinda choked up when I reached the part about great-aunt Etty's friend bending over to pick up the onyx beads that were scattered across the empty lane; the helplessness of the scene was so moving that I couldn't help feeling remorseful about how I always seem to drown my youth in unnecessary misery and how I seem to ignore the actual cruelty of age where it is most prominent.By the way, the scene would have been perfect with Traumerei playing in the background.

Sometimes it is so easy to forget that life is like a sine graph; every passing day nudges us closer to the maximum point, where henceforth there will no longer be an inverse function - because it's all a reflection in the line of symmetry.

So I've decided to make myself useful while I can; to get up and get a real goal in life - if I question existence any further I may as well die. (Well, the questions will continue to play at the back of my head for the rest of my life; I cannot help being skeptical - but it shall no longer be the main theme) I really think I ought to embark on a project of some sort.

For the meantime, I really need to start concentrating on Jane Eyre and remember that I have exams tomorrow. Damn.

Just wanted to express my new found resolution. Teehee.

Cheers!

"Just a Puppet on a Lonely String."

There is no better word to describe the last weekend but "brain-frying."

Having survived the cerebral terrorism (panic,doubt,confusion,threat,resignation + excitement all rolled into one), we decided to take a break at a nearby mall to do the things young people do while the rest of the world waits for them to get a move on : Chill.

So here's what I did to get all that frustration of my mind :

1. Spent 200 at Topshop

2. Spent 50 at posh Japanese restaurant

3. Another 100 at Mango

4. 10.50 on Haagen Dazs

5. Donated 10 to the WWF

6. 150 at Miss Sixty

7. 15 at Starbucks

8. 180 on a pair of shoes from Charles and Keith

Phew.

Talk about retail therapy. What better way to make up for the lack of IQ than to have good fashion sense, right?

Really.

You didn't believe a word of that, didn't you.

Well, I spent 11.50 on nice fried chicken and 10 on Top Gear. That's still quite a bit of money. 21.50 can buy me roughly two months of my bread supply from the KYUEM cafe.

Okay, just needed some comic relief after 41 pages of the French Revolution.

You know. It sucks to be two things in a revolt :

The King

and

The dirt poor.

Both in equal measure.

Reminds me a bit of Wall Street and their billionaire CEO's for some reason.

Cheers!

Change Might Come.

Recently an English teacher in my school had given an assignment to her students, where they were supposed to write about the reasons why Mr. Obama deserved the Nobel Peace Prize. There was a fair number of rather intellectual-sounding ones which debated on the political aspects of the award (real and imaginary); a popular one being that the award would serve as an encouragement for more progress with peace talks and to foster better relations with adversaries from a bygone era. There were also the more critical ones which condemned the jury for rewarding inaction - what exactly has Mr. Obama achieved so far that he hasn't already preached? Of all the responses, my favourite answer; albeit a very politically incorrect one; was :

What has Barack Obama done so far?

1. Made many passionate speeches that made my mom cry

2. Inspired little black kids all around the world to be the next President of the United States

I can't remember the third; but I'm sure it had something to do with intellectual prose.

Anyway, what has Obama done so far?

1. Got his men out of Iraq

2. ...and threw them back into Afghanistan

3. Approved the fiscal stimulus package which has slowly, painfully - but is surely healing their ravaged economy

4. Been friendly with the guys over at the Middle East (Arabs) - the whole "I offer my hand, but you unclench your fist first" approach

5. Tried to get Israel and Palestine (and the Arabs) to shake hands

6. Frowned when Israel decided to go ahead with the settlements on the West Bank anyway

7. Condemned big bonuses and promised to draw clear line between government and firms

8. Downsize companies that were once "too big too fail"; end of deregulation era

9. Promised to bring UN back into the international scene

10. Imposed huge tariff on China's tyres (gave in to lobbying despite ultra-liberalism)

11. Has not said anything about Kyoto Protocol - the US get "special" treatment and signs separate agreement where they get save the environment on their on terms instead of subjecting themselves to targeted levels(and now the rest of the developed countries want to jump on the bandwagon as well - Farewell, KP)

12. Unsettled Iran nuclear talks (and talks of possible sanctions)

13. Called Kanye West a jackass

14. Followed up on SALT II with Russia - even considering complete nuclear disarmament (but Gorbachev already brought this one up back in the eighties - he got a Nobel peace prize too by the way)

14. and of course, the health reform bill has finally been passed by the senate

I stand corrected; and I apologise if I've made any gaping mistakes - I admit I haven't been reading much on world affairs lately. So with that said; perhaps it's best we see the Peace prize in the light of an incentive; coupled with the President's unpretentious optimism and occasionally over-pronounced liberalism - perhaps real Change might finally come to the America, and the rest of the world as well.

Oh yea, speaking of health reform, I'd just like to offer my two cents' worth on the issue; with particular address to the defenders of reform and equality and enemies of the market/capitalism:

To balance things out a bit, subjecting health care to the market forces is not a completely heartless and inhumane thing to do, contrary to popular opinion - the society does get some benefit out of it, and a considerable amount, too. Think of it this way,

1. while providing free health care will grant accessibility to all regardless of wealth or income; we must remember that sources are finite - and that for subsidies to be provided, there must be an equally huge price to be paid somewhere else.

2. This "somewhere else" may very well be the Research and Development department; and now that the government indirectly decides who gets what, where and when - people don't really have much of a choice when it comes to treatment.

3. While an efficient system might help to reduce long waiting lists; setting a fixed number of patients to be treated within a period of time might act as a perverse incentive - medical staff will now be encouraged to give sub-standard treatment. Don't believe me? Recall the nurses who used to poke and shout at you at the yearly dental check-up in school.

4. Compulsary health insurance would mean more people taking their health for granted. Just like how college students in general don't care about General studies since it's not going to cost them their future. (unless of course, you are sponsored - then that requires an entirely different CBA)

5. You don't get to choose your treatment or medication; in crude terms - health care really is being rationed. For example, say you contract a disease which is currently uncurable; and a new cure is found and is mass produced; however because the government now decides which medicine to provide the masses, it will ultimately have to choose lower costs over individual health. Which means you'll either have to pay for the new cure out of your own pocket or be prepared to stick it out for the rest of your life with the inefficient medicine - which you're getting for free.

6. Less Research and Development funds mean less discoveries, less variety of treatment and ultimately less cures.

So before you start speaking about human rights and how free markets are actually the work of the devil, you might want to consider the case above. Free health care simply means a lot more people will be living a few years longer; although it may mean a lot less suffering for some, for others it's a case of devaluing human life - you're just another number in a cost-benefit analysis. It also slows down the progress of national medical care in general; as there is a lack of incentive for development. In a free market, privately-funded medical care would mean that there's a strong demand - which would lead to competitive suppliers/firms sensitive to their needs.

However, I understand that the price mechanism may work to the advantage of the rich - they're the only ones who can afford pushing up the prices - but with efficient and systematic public aid (perhaps along the lines of Medicare/Medicaid) combined with an effective comparative research programme that will not only compare prices and the efficiency of different types of medicine; but at the same time seek the means to eliminate unnecessary costs in the production stage; I am certain we will find a middle outlet someday.

In the meantime, stop comparing Grey's Anatomy to your local GH. They're being paid ten times more than the nurse who's telling your crying kid to shut up.

And more importantly, they have McDreamy.

Sadly, you don't.

You Want It? Take It.

Regarding last post :

You know what - I can't be bothered to defend it. All you people are right. I was making a sweeping statement. I should rephrase that to "the Penangnites I've met." instead of Penangnites in general. They're all great people, and some are close friends whom I respect and appreciate very much indeed. But we just aren't on the same page when it comes to certain issues. Before you feel offended by anything else I might say, I'd like to make a few things clear :

1. That I have nothing against the Penang government. I just found the copyrighting thing ridiculous - never expected such a show of political immaturity from a government people expected so much from. But even the best fall down some times, as they say. It's probably something they'll grow out of eventually.

2. What did I mean in the second half? That some people complain too much to serve their self-interests. Sometimes they don't even know what they're complaining about *shrugs* What did I not mean in the second half? That while I disagree with the lot who seem to underestimate the local system for various reasons (including long-standing problems that I do admit exist), I'm not saying they should be of a unanimous opinion that the system is indeed fair and just and brilliant; because it's not. I'm just offering an alternative where your source of grievances is switched from the race factor (which is completely out of your hands) to self-reflection (and eventual improvement; which is something you can fix at the moment.) So in case you're worried that I might end up in politics some day and you'd better start planning my assassination - No, I don't believe in a Common Thought (in the vein of socialism) and no, I don't believe in cult status either. No one's going to shoot you if you think the government makes mistakes.

(I felt compelled to put this in because I was very troubled by the fact that Subhash, of all people, was totally off in interpreting my meaning - it rarely ever happens=S Which means the post must have been very poorly constructed)

3. Speaking of which, I do think the government makes mistakes. So many that I hadn't bothered putting them up anymore. Which misleads people into thinking that I'm pro-government or pro-BN or pro-UMNO when I make a little comment about something that the Opposition has done (which could have easily been a mistake from the ruling coalition, if they weren't so unenthusiastic about the job). However, just like how I think the Penang government has got at least half of it right - so has this government that you all seem to accuse me of being oversupportive towards. They may not be very efficient as a whole; but once in a while we see it takes two negatives to make a positive. And I believe in giving credit where it is due; even if you don't.

4. On free zones, I'm afraid I have very little knowledge on what exactly Dr. M did with Langkawi (and dispensed with in Penang) - if any of you have a clear and reasonable explanation on this, perhaps you might like to share it with me. I believe I know what the economic value of a free zone is; so don't come shouting at me about political propaganda. I think I bloody well deserve the right to air my grievances on national issues (regardless of political orientation) without immediately being labelled as a conspirator - next time I say something about our government, someone may very well question my wages as secret propagandist for Pakatan=/ If you guys have the right to satirize our ministers on your blogs to get a few hundred readers, what's wrong with me doing the exact opposite for one or two (without getting slammed by my own good friends)

You know what? I've always said that I'm open to opinions - and I am. I always find them interesting and worth reflecting on. I'm young, reckless and inexperienced. I still speak before I think every now and then - even on a public blog, without taking things too far. I make mistakes, and when people point them out I'm more than ready to admit them. That's where I'm different from most bloggers : I actually squeeze some moral value out of this. Misinterpretation is perfectly fine, and I don't mind explaining myself in clearer terms the second time round should the first time seem too emotionally-driven - but sometimes people take things a bit too far and launch personal attacks based on those views I put up here solely for discussion's sake, it's bad enough when I get it from total strangers; but you know what's the worst?

When you get it from your personal friends. You'd think they knew you a lot better than that.

Maybe that's why I decided to waste nearly an hour typing this whole load of rubbish. To explain this to the friends who are already biased before understanding; so that I don't feel that hurt by your ignorance.

Cheers!